His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
