some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
