I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
