Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
