She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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