So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
