I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
