I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize