I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
