All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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