the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she looked like the before picture.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
