we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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