I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
