Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
