she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize