hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
FUCK WHALES
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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