Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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