Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
