Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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