he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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