I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
