1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
