If i come over, it means nothing
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
