I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
