Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
