Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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