she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
