the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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