I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
