I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Non-Jews are for practice
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Alive.
So much puke
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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