The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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