you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
