I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
