Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
