Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
