dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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