I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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