I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize