saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
