4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
