I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
