I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
