lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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