Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
