we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
