I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
