Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
