let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
