is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
