ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
