I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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