my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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