there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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