Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
This house was built for laser tag.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
