You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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