is wine microwaveable?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
