My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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