My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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