You're my little dorito
Just took my morning after pill in the library
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
