You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize