Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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