GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
