these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
