The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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