I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
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Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
40s are totally the cure
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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