More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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