He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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