hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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