Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
