DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
COCAINE IS GR8
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
