its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
