I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
