i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
