Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh god it's open bar.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
