I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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