Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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