I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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