A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize