her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
