i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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