She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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