Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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