Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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