I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
