During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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