Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
