I wish life had little blips of pornography
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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