gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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