we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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