Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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