I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
