even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize