You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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