I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
