just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
