During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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