Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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