There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
