You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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